Tuesday, February 02, 2016
Wow! I have rediscovered this blog in my bid to reflect on all that has happened to me in previous years (or at least whatever I have recorded here loll),while I prepare for an upcoming interview that has the potential to change my life drastically if I do succeed in it!
So I had sort of a mock interview last week, and I'm quite affected by it heh. Yes, even until now. :O I just cannot get over the fact that they asked me some questions about myself, and my future direction in life, that I should have been able to answer, but I couldn't. Oh man! what does that say about me? Maybe it just means that I am immature? Unsure of where I am heading in life? Lacking in self-awareness? I don't know. But there is definitely this question that has been haunting me until now - "what drives you in life?"
I HAVE NO IDEA REALLY. OH GOD.
But I really hate that I do not know the answer to this question. )): How can it be!! At 24 years of age, I'm still have no idea what drives me in life? And the interviewer had to give me sample answers of what other candidates might say? Oh gosh, embarrassing right...But really. This is a very fundamental question, and I should be most ashamed of myself if I'm still unable to find the answer for myself before the real interview. Seriously.
I think I've just been bobbing along in life, letting myself go wherever life takes me. Or maybe it's because I always try to pray this prayer in situations where I am unsure of what the future might hold: "Dear God, not my will but Your will be done. "
Well yes, so basically I have been spending most of my free time these days just searching for answers. I even dropped by church before dinner yesterday to pray for some direction in my life! omg, and I even almost dropped in a petition note in the petition-letters box oh gosh why am I so auntie and so desperate seriously. Luckily I stopped myself in time omg....imagine what the people reading this would be thinking omg. Lolll other people write petitions to pray for sick/dying family members or like people who need real help (e.g. drug addicts, delinquents, whatever.) and then my note would just be something desperate and lame... like, "Dear God, please tell me what I should do with my life! Where am I going? Why am I doing this? Why do I like this? Will this be worth my while? Am I even on the right path? Send me a sign please! " Something juvenile like that la hahaha. Kk I am being overly dramatic now, but seriously. Some guidance please!!
I just feel that my life thus far has been full of bad/stupid decisions and I do not want to make yet another wrong move again!! Everything I do, I end up regretting at some point in my life later. And I do not want this to be next one omg. I might have been seriously confused, irrational and impractical in the past sometimes(ok acually even now, I still feel that I am quite confused about a lot of things in my life omg), but ok this needs to end here!! Seriously... I am almost a quarter of a century old already, and I do not want to keep mucking up my life like that. I do not want to do things that I will regret later, and then blame myself/loved ones/people that I used to adore, for the bad decisions that I make.
Man...so anyway, of course I had a peaceful prayer session yesterday, but still nothing much came to my head today haha oh noes. And then suddenly I remembered this blog! haha and then I was like, ok might as well go read through my old posts! Surely there must have been some interesting stuff about the happenings in my life that I documented here! I might even find the answers to some of the questions they asked me! e.g. treatment related failures/mistakes that you made, worst failure, etc.
haha and yes it has been a really interesting read. (: I can't believe that at one point in my dental school life, I was diligently taking pictures of my work. omg. HAHA that is so crazy I can't even believe it. The only reason why I'm believing it is because I have photographic evidence here! omg!
but anyway, this really unlocks many memories for me, both good and bad. It makes me so emotional reading some of old posts lol...things that I had once put so far behind me have now surfaced again. Of course this has unlocked a whole new floodgate of questions I'd like to ask myself, but at least I hope I'll be able to find the answers myself soon (:
wow ok this blog post has such a different tone to it compared to most of my previous ones. I think I sound pretty much troubled by my own thoughts omg.. This is why I shouldn't keep having too much free time to myself omg, I tend to think too much. But ok, I really reallyyyyy do need to think a lot about my life, and myself, and who I really am. Before my interview! ahh!
ok I shall end here haha and resume my search for answers!
till next time! (when I remember this blog/feel the urge to blog hahaha)
